How to make Birthday Parties Inclusive For All Children, Whatever Their Needs.
When I set out to write this blog post I have to confess I really had very little idea about children with complex needs. I was a little apprehensive about starting conversations, in case I inadvertently offended anyone by saying the wrong thing or using the wrong terminology. But I couldn’t have been more wrong; so many people were really happy to talk to me and were very forgiving as I stumbled my way through. Mostly, they were just happy to share their story and their experiences in the hope that between us we can all try to raise awareness. As it turns out, just as every child has their own unique needs, everyone has their own unique way of talking about them too. There isn’t just one accepted term that fits all and neither should there be. I found it was best to just listen and see how the other person referred to their child and mirror the same language.
All the ideas and advice I have gathered below comes from a series of conversations with teachers, nurses, parents of children with complex needs, party suppliers and other qualified professionals. While I have tried to cover as much as possible, it would be impossible and unrealistic to think that in one blog post I can cover all children and the variety of needs they may have. However, I hope that the information below will help many of us to make children’s parties more inclusive for more children. You may also find these blogs useful: Party Suppliers Offering Inclusive Parties and How Party Suppliers Can Accommodate Complex Needs.
Let’s face, it parties can be overwhelming for all children (and the parents!), but, they are even more challenging for a child with special needs. Since more and more children are being diagnosed as neurodiverse, there is a greater need for us to be aware and make accommodations where we can. Autism and AD/HD can influence the way a child experiences their sensory world, communicates with others, learns, socialises, manages their attention and levels of anxiety. Each child’s needs are unique, so there is no one-size-fits-all formula when it comes to making parties inclusive and accessible. However, with the right strategies in place, parents can ensure a birthday party is as inclusive as possible for all children, whether it is the birthday child who has special needs or one of the guests.
10 Things You Can Do to Make Your Party More Inclusive
1. Choose the activity carefully:
Sensory activities are great for all kids and can be particularly important in relaxing or engaging those with complex needs. Consider setting up trays with sand, playdough, kinetic sand, or other sensory-friendly items. You could also create a den with a tent, fairy lights, and plenty of colours and paper for drawing. Fidget toys and musical instruments are also great to have on hand.
Tuff trays
Potion making
Play dough
Making slime
Science/experiments
Jewellery making
Pottery painting
Animal petting
Silent disco
Forest school
Football
Soft play
Pizza making
Build a bear
Chocolate making
Trampolining
Bouncy castle
Sensory room
Gaming
Movie night
2. Sharing the schedule:
It can be helpful to send a timeline out in advance, with the invitations, especially if it’s in the form of pictures and photos, often referred to as a ‘social story’. This helps the kids to better understand the party’s schedule and activities. This is particularly relevant for children with Autism. If it is possible to share photos of the venue and the entertainer ahead of time, this is also really helpful. The timeline will also allow the parents of an Autistic child to decide if they might just come for a certain part of the party rather than the whole thing, to ease the pressure on the child. If there is a theme for the party it’s good to share this in advance, but you will need to be flexible as they may not want to dress up or just choose to wear something totally different from the theme.
3. Create a sensory-friendly environment:
Children with special needs can be particularly sensitive to loud noises, bright lights, and unfamiliar surroundings. When planning a birthday party, parents should try to create a sensory-friendly environment by avoiding loud music, bright decorations, and overwhelming activities. Outdoor parties can be great, as the noise levels are generally lower and the outdoor environment is sensory in itself.
4. Provide accommodations:
When planning a birthday party, it is a great idea if you are able to accommodate the needs of each individual guest. For example, a child with autism may need extra time or a quiet place to take a break from the festivities. Again, the den or sensory tent would be good for these situations, to give the child(ren) a quite place to go and have a little time to themselves.
5. Support with social skills:
For children with special needs, a birthday party can be very difficult to navigate and can cause them a lot of stress. With the sensory overload it is likely that there will be a reduction in their ability to maintain any social expectations. Structuring social contact, like making a game where there is a repeated set of responses to a certain questions can work, as long as it’s short and motivating. If the child has AD/HD they may be unable to regulate themselves to sit still. So, staying with one named child or adult that they are comfortable with and planning ahead with the host to make sure they know who this is can help to bring their anxiety down.
6. Encourage creativity:
Celebrations don’t have to be limited to traditional activities and games. Parents can encourage creativity and expression by providing materials and activities that allow children to explore and express themselves.
7. Safety:
Parents may want to consider if it’s important to be in an enclosed space, perhaps even a location where the doors can be locked. Some neurodiverse children can run out of a situation when they are overwhelmed, or have no sense of danger, so a ‘safe’ person could also be designated for the kids to go to if they feel overwhelmed or distressed.
8. Bounce:
Many children with special needs love to jump, so consider setting up a trampoline or a bouncy castle. However, be aware that for some children the noise of the generator used for the bouncy castle can be overwhelming, but many will overcome the sound when they are so motivated to jump!
9. Naming stuff:
Consider having name tags at the table and on the party bags, as well as named lunchboxes with all the food separated and labelled. This avoids any anxious indecision and can help children to feel comfortable and safe.
10. Check in with your child:
Finally, it may seem obvious, but if your child with special needs does not seem excited about the idea of having a birthday party, then perhaps it would be best to organise a more low-key trip to the farm with one close friend rather than organising a party. Or if your child with special needs has been invited to a party and is unsure about going, then its worth remembering that parties for young children are quite short and tend to get longer as the kids get older. So, when the children are just 2 or 3 years old, parents can take their child just to the end of the party and as they get older increase the time.
I hope that this gives you some useful and actionable ideas for making your parties more inclusive. Remember, you don’t have to do everything at once – take small steps. The key is putting structure in, preparing the child(ren) and making it motivating. Most of all, have fun and enjoy the party! I’d love to hear about your inclusive parties and other top tips you may have – drop me an email at hello@icecreamandjelly.com.
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I would like to thank everyone that contributed their stories, experiences and expertise to this blog: Faiza (Mum), Steph (Teacher), Lisa (Autism Consultant) Thalia (Nurse and Mrs Miles Magic), The Team (Little Gym), Naomi (Jigsaw Parties), Daniel (Play House Parties), Sarah (Kingswood Shetlands and Friends) and Jade (Jelly Jade).
